I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
