as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
