Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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