My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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