if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
