when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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