unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
