So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
