i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
