I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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