My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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