I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
