I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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