a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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