these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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