Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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