Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
