We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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