Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
