Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
