ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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