My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
