This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
