Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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