I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
