i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
