we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
