I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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