I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
