it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize