Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
