just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i think my cat just said my name.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
did i just pee glitter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
