they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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