I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
