JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
