well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
