My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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