i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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