Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there was a trapeze. enough said
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
