so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
