do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
