guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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