So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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