i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
