Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
