East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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