In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
