ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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