the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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