I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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