Tell her she can't have a vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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