paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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