my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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