so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
