His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
