Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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