Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
