I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
