Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I want a musical about memes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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