and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
