Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
