Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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