he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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