I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
