So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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