she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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