bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
