Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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