i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you had me at cake vodka
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
