cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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