like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
