I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
