WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
