There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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