you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
