You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
