so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
