New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
