i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
