just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
