my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize