It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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