i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
